As a teen I always swore I'd never drink, never smoke, etc. Didn't see the allure in it. Then, when I was 18 or 19, all my friends started drinking. I held out for a while, but then that was all they wanted to do when they got together, so I started being left out of the gatherings. They were the only friends I had, and I was legit curious; so I decided what the hey, might as well give it a go. I was 20 when I started.
Turns out I really enjoyed the taste of it all, the side effects, etc. so it stuck, that was who I was now. Luckily I was never an angry drunk, always happy and goofy (which kind of amazes me because I always had a fierce temper). I never knew when to stop so I'd always puke. In the woods, bowling alley, cars, sidewalks, floors, bar bathrooms, fire pits, off the roof of my apartment. It was part of the shtick I guess.
Through the years I started to use alcohol as a coping mechanism, for everything from stress to anger to boredom. 12-10 years ago I was working a great job but for a terrible boss, and I found myself drinking on the way to work. It was a short 8 mile drive and I was hammering down a 6 pack of 9% beer and a few gulps of Brandy to "prepare the day". Around the same time, I came home drunk one night and got in an argument with my wife that left me feeling really down on myself. The feeling carried through to the next day, so while my wife and son were visiting her mom I decided that she'd be better off without me, that a lot of people would. I went out to the garage and climbed a ladder with a rope over my shoulder. The only thing that kept me from following through was the thought "what if my little boy finds me?" He was 2 at the time, and imagining the scene broke my heart and scared me off the ladder.
That was another turning point. I decided that maybe I should drink less...not stop, but just cut back. I limited myself to 3 drinks at a time. Once I finished 3, I'd be done. It worked for a while actually, until I realized I could bend the rule to fit the mood, or flat out lie. I kept up with the "3 drinks (give or take)" rule for a few years, then I gave that up and just dove back in head over heels. One night I had two friends over and we drank in my yard until 2am even though I had plans for 7am, which resulted in an argument. In my frustration, I gathered up every single bottle in the house and dumped them out. That was the morning of September 14th 2019, and I haven't had a drop since that night.
The first 2 years were ROUGH. Constant cravings and feelings of regret, depression, loss. I had to figure out who I was again. I almost went back to booze a few times in the first couple months but didn't want to be a quitter at quitting, lol. The third year was easier, but there were still cravings every now and then. Now, after 4 years, I'm comfortable again. Haven't had a craving all year, and the thought of drinking makes me shudder. The societal norms surrounding alcohol really tick me off. I'm saving literal thousands of dollars each year. I have a great job with great people, my wife and I find different things to argue about (lol) and I'm happy again, with no additives.
That was long and heavy, but that's my story.
