This is a rare find... and I mean really really super vintage rare!! really! It is the Schwinn Stingray Cucumber Krate bike. For those ill-informed peasants who don't know, in 1961 Schwinn designed 2 Cucumber Krate bikes in a secret laboratory hidden deep in the North Dakota mountains. These two bikes never made it to the showroom floors because the public was not ready for such awesomeness. They were only concepts developed for deep enemy penetration to extract downed U2 pilots from Soviet Siberian territory. Of course, the best collectors already know this story. What none of you other cotton-headed ninny-mugginses know is the REST of the story...
The Cucumber Krates were made from Adamantium and injected with gamma radiation so the glow could be seen from space. But once their Skynet systems gained consciousness, they grew out of control. It took two years for the government to finally track them down and destroy them.
How do i know all this? For one thing, I'm smarter than all of you combined. For another, I lived in California with a kid who's Dad knew a man who's brother had a cousin who once heard of a soldier who fought in the Great Cucumber battle of January 1965 in Wyoming. And that guy knew where the remains were buried. So, last year I set out on a quest to find the remains, but despite the $78.43 invested, I failed to find a trace. So I met secretly met with Congress behind closed doors and was granted $34,000,000.00 to recover this artifact. I only spent $123.57 at a Best Western in Rapids City SD before I found the prize! (The rest was mysteriously lost).
You may be thinking: "This is totally legit, and CRASH is the smartestest of us all, and the coolest dude ever!" and you'd be right! Or you may be thinking: "This could be legit because I've totally heard some of this story before, but I'm not as hard core a collector as CRASH, so my small mind can't wrap around this concept, so I have my doubts" And to you I say I HAVE PROOF!!! These pictures are irrefutable proof that this is legit. If you question the legitimacy, then obviously you aren't as hard core as I am, and you probably hacked all my accounts to smear my good name.
Here is a picture of how I found it. Notice the glow from the gamma radiation!
And here is a picture of me working on it (TOTAL PROOF IF THERE EVER WAS ANY!!)
And here is an excerpt from a secret government memo discussing the project:
The Cucumber Krates were made from Adamantium and injected with gamma radiation so the glow could be seen from space. But once their Skynet systems gained consciousness, they grew out of control. It took two years for the government to finally track them down and destroy them.
How do i know all this? For one thing, I'm smarter than all of you combined. For another, I lived in California with a kid who's Dad knew a man who's brother had a cousin who once heard of a soldier who fought in the Great Cucumber battle of January 1965 in Wyoming. And that guy knew where the remains were buried. So, last year I set out on a quest to find the remains, but despite the $78.43 invested, I failed to find a trace. So I met secretly met with Congress behind closed doors and was granted $34,000,000.00 to recover this artifact. I only spent $123.57 at a Best Western in Rapids City SD before I found the prize! (The rest was mysteriously lost).
You may be thinking: "This is totally legit, and CRASH is the smartestest of us all, and the coolest dude ever!" and you'd be right! Or you may be thinking: "This could be legit because I've totally heard some of this story before, but I'm not as hard core a collector as CRASH, so my small mind can't wrap around this concept, so I have my doubts" And to you I say I HAVE PROOF!!! These pictures are irrefutable proof that this is legit. If you question the legitimacy, then obviously you aren't as hard core as I am, and you probably hacked all my accounts to smear my good name.
Here is a picture of how I found it. Notice the glow from the gamma radiation!
And here is a picture of me working on it (TOTAL PROOF IF THERE EVER WAS ANY!!)
And here is an excerpt from a secret government memo discussing the project:
From: The Government
To: Schwinn
Dear bike guys we totally want to buy a bike that can get into Russia and blow up there stuff and get are people rescued and make us look all awesome so we need you to build something that can do that and we want it to be green because the army has green stuff and we like cucumbers but its like a secret so dont tell no peeps or else we are going to come get you lolz. below is a picture of what we want it to look like except with lasers and missiles and stuff.
Signed, the government. may 1961
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