Pondering divorce any pointers.
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I dont know your situation, so it's not my place to say whether you should or should not, as you didnt ask. But from everyone I know who has, every guy said the same thing, get the best laywer you cant afford. Apperantly men tend to cheap out and thats why they tend to get the short end of the stick in court, that and the general bias against men (or preference towards women).
I have actually been through the judge bias thing. I was divorced in the late 80s and had a daughter around 9 years old. My ex and I went through the counseling and decided that joint custody was the best way. To my astonishment the judge actually tried to talk my ex out of giving joint custody,while I was standing there :shock: . This is one area you dont want to skimp on. I would suggest counseling, whether it is clergy or otherwise.
Bummer man,
I had a friend that went threw it he had a sweet 69 camaro his wife said she was gonna take it so he sold it to his friend for a $1.00 and left it in the garage, after the deal was done she took off in the car so he reported stolen and she got picked up for stealin his car. Then his friend sold it back to him.
Good Luck
I had a friend that went threw it he had a sweet 69 camaro his wife said she was gonna take it so he sold it to his friend for a $1.00 and left it in the garage, after the deal was done she took off in the car so he reported stolen and she got picked up for stealin his car. Then his friend sold it back to him.
Good Luck
if ya gotta do it i say play ball man, dont make a fight of it if ya can avoid it, the law is unfortunately stacked against ya. ive never been married but when i went through the first child custody case ive had my lawyer told me right from the start that i was gonna get screwed, the best i could do was to try and "play ball" and keep that to a minimum. her lawyer will exactly what that judge did. in divorce and child issues, throwin lawyers into the mix is the worse thing that could happen. im sorry if ya gotta go through it, try your best to avoid it and keep it together if possible. and might i suggest...pray pray pray
fast eddie
fast eddie
I went through it about 7 years ago. We did not have any children so we were able to do the whole divorce ourselves. I found a book at borders that explained divorce law for our state (Michigan). The book even provided the forms you need to fill out and file. We split every thing 50/50 as best we could. The whole divorce cost us about $150! That was the cost of the book, filing, and the court date. If kids are involved even the book advised getting a lawyer. Best of luck, I hope it does not come to divorce.
Man a bunch of sad stories. Im on #3. Its like a bad tooth....Pull it and whatever the cost move on with your life. My last ex and I just grew apart. She is still my best friend. Heck I grew up with her. Twenty five years of a simi good marrage. Cost me a years pay to split but I went from a wife that never ever worked and complained alot about stuff , to one that is always happy and knocks down about $45,000 a year,cooks fantstic and makes me the happiest I have ever been. There is no reason to be unhappy in life....just dont be so sure its all her fault. Men get this idea that they never have to look at what they really are and do. Take a good look at yourself and you might find out that your not the greatest. once I really took a close look at myself I saw that I was pretty much a horses patootie and I had to change .Change some and hit them halfway or maybe a little more and the next chance you get may be as perfect as mine is. 
2 sayings come to mind.... It's cheaper to keep her, and you know why divorces cost so much? Cuz they're worth it!
All joking aside, it's rough. My ex and I probably could have done our divorce on our own, but it got to a point where I couldn't belive a word she said, so I hired a lawyer. She was very good, I was overall happy with the end result. If you have kids, there are advocacy groups for father's rights, sometimes offering free help. Also if you have kids, keep a notebook or journal and write down EVERYTHING!!!! I had a calendar that i wrote the dates and times I picked up my kids, what we did, and kept every receipt (clothes, food, meds, movies, etc.). We actually had a settlement conference outside of court with just us and our atty's to hash out all the details. Make sure you read everything thouroghly before signing. From my own experience and what I've heard rom frineds who went through a divorce, and had kids, it seems like fathers are getting more fairness from the courts than previous generations. It's best to be as civil as possible to each other, and no matter what teh soon to be ex says about what you can and can't do with your kids, your rights do not change until you have a finalized divorce back from the courts. I'm not tring to sound mean, but you learn a lot when you go through this.
Good luck!
All joking aside, it's rough. My ex and I probably could have done our divorce on our own, but it got to a point where I couldn't belive a word she said, so I hired a lawyer. She was very good, I was overall happy with the end result. If you have kids, there are advocacy groups for father's rights, sometimes offering free help. Also if you have kids, keep a notebook or journal and write down EVERYTHING!!!! I had a calendar that i wrote the dates and times I picked up my kids, what we did, and kept every receipt (clothes, food, meds, movies, etc.). We actually had a settlement conference outside of court with just us and our atty's to hash out all the details. Make sure you read everything thouroghly before signing. From my own experience and what I've heard rom frineds who went through a divorce, and had kids, it seems like fathers are getting more fairness from the courts than previous generations. It's best to be as civil as possible to each other, and no matter what teh soon to be ex says about what you can and can't do with your kids, your rights do not change until you have a finalized divorce back from the courts. I'm not tring to sound mean, but you learn a lot when you go through this.
Good luck!
First question I have is, Are there kids involved?
If so, a bit more challenging. Don't move out until you have spoken to a lawyer.
Live your life in a way that when you are on your deathbed looking back, you are happy with what you see.....
Life is short and precious...
Good thoughts through this challenging time,
T
If so, a bit more challenging. Don't move out until you have spoken to a lawyer.
Live your life in a way that when you are on your deathbed looking back, you are happy with what you see.....
Life is short and precious...
Good thoughts through this challenging time,
T
If you think there's any chance at all that you might want to give it just one more try, I'd suggest you contact Retrouvaille. It's an organization that can help you save your marriage.
My wife and I were on the verge of divorce, and she ran across "Retrouvaille" on the internet when she was looking up marriage counseling. We had been going to a counselor once a week or so for a couple of months, but were moving very slowly, if at all.
It's a Catholic-church based thing, but I think it's pretty comfortable for any other Christian denomination also. Non-Christians might feel a little bit odd--but still are welcome.
You spend a weekend with your spouse learning to communicate. It's worth more than any other weekend I've ever spent.
Just look up Retrouvaille on the internet.
My wife and I were on the verge of divorce, and she ran across "Retrouvaille" on the internet when she was looking up marriage counseling. We had been going to a counselor once a week or so for a couple of months, but were moving very slowly, if at all.
It's a Catholic-church based thing, but I think it's pretty comfortable for any other Christian denomination also. Non-Christians might feel a little bit odd--but still are welcome.
You spend a weekend with your spouse learning to communicate. It's worth more than any other weekend I've ever spent.
Just look up Retrouvaille on the internet.
Rat Rod
Owner & Founder
Here's what the Bible says about divorce...
The Pharisees also came to Him (Jesus), testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for [just] any reason?"
And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"
He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."
Matthew 19:3-9
The Pharisees also came to Him (Jesus), testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for [just] any reason?"
And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"
He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."
Matthew 19:3-9
I'm just coming off the worst month of my life where divorce was nearly eminent. Although infidelity and abuse were not the issue, lying was. Bigtime lies!! My church really had to call me into accountability cause I was one angry individual. If I may, I suggest prayer. But as I learned, you can really let anger consume you. Although we haven't actually received counseling, we are "restructuring" the marriage. I mean really....think of it like bankruptcy. Instead of throwing it all away, maybe rebuild? I don't know where you stand on faith, but I suggest listening to Christs teaching and receiving encouragement from those of faith.
I've been married for 36 years, to the same woman. There were times when we BOTH felt like packing it in, mostly my fault, but we didn't. We worked through everything, and now I couldn't be happier. When I found Jesus, and made Him part of my life, I found that there are no problems I can't get through........I've been praying for you and your wife, and will continue to do so. ........GOOD LUCK my friend!
I've got two down the toilet and I'm the happiest I've been in my life (single and 44 years old). Kid you not though, there were some black times getting to this point.
think it over long and hard.
think it over long and hard.
Hey,
I'ts cheeper to keep her.
Try to work it out , always remember that if it dosn't kill ya it will make you a stronger / better man.
Im sure that I'm just like everyone ealse..... I wana runaway all the time ........ then I cool down & relize that I'm totaly dependent on her & would be a total mess without her.
I have proably done everything as a stupid male can to give her every opertunity to kick me to the curb ...... I'm still here 27 years later .
It's like Finding the perfect wife is kinda like finding a 30's somtin barn bike in pristine condition with air still in the tires .........
It's not imposable & very few ever have this happen to them in there lifetimes .
That leaves the rest of us .... We have to accept what it is & build lovingly on it from there. Kinda what we all do here , customize our relationships to suit our needs & hope it all works out , and that everyone likes it LOL.
In closing here , Women are kinda like Cool Old Bicycles , ya always got to work on them to keep them happy !!
Hang in there Bud .... we all have.
Best wishes,
Stephen / Wingman
I'ts cheeper to keep her.
Try to work it out , always remember that if it dosn't kill ya it will make you a stronger / better man.
Im sure that I'm just like everyone ealse..... I wana runaway all the time ........ then I cool down & relize that I'm totaly dependent on her & would be a total mess without her.
I have proably done everything as a stupid male can to give her every opertunity to kick me to the curb ...... I'm still here 27 years later .
It's like Finding the perfect wife is kinda like finding a 30's somtin barn bike in pristine condition with air still in the tires .........
It's not imposable & very few ever have this happen to them in there lifetimes .
That leaves the rest of us .... We have to accept what it is & build lovingly on it from there. Kinda what we all do here , customize our relationships to suit our needs & hope it all works out , and that everyone likes it LOL.
In closing here , Women are kinda like Cool Old Bicycles , ya always got to work on them to keep them happy !!
Hang in there Bud .... we all have.
Best wishes,
Stephen / Wingman
maddogrider said:
Ohhhhhh maaaaaannnnnn, that is sweet. :mrgreen:
I feel for you man, about the stress and all that. I understand that you feel miserable and unloved at times. You probobly feel even hatred at times for your spouse. It's normal. Yep. I'm with Ratrod on this. I don't believe that divorce is an option. Dieing to ones self is huge when it comes to the marriage relationship. This is how that works for me. Follow me.
When things are bad in my marriage. Let's say I feel like my wife is naggin me and just being mean. I have to do this. I have to look at myself and ask. What am I doing or not doing to help my spouse. Or, what am I doing or not doing that is hindering my spouse. I literaly have to look at my self and say, what do I have to do with this, and what do I need to do to make the situation better. I have found that most things work themself out when I look to see if I'm being a punk and not loving my wife responsibly. Women need love. They need our attention they need our commitment to them. ** They need security** I was just in the hospital for double knee replacement, and I was not handleing the pain and recovery very well. I was crying and almost gave up because it hurts SO bad. One of my good friends came to me and reminded me that I needed to tuffen up and be strong. I needed to do so because it was the right thing to do for my wife, my family. He quoted me a bible verse which I can't remember the number, but it said this. I am to love my wife as christ loved the church, he was willing to give himself up for the church. To die for the church. So I should do the same.
We need to look at ourselfs and ask what can I do no matter what my spouse does to make this work. Don't wait for the other person to do something. You make the change. ** There have been MANY times in my life when I felt my relationship stunk, only to learn that I was the problem. Yes, me the problem. I was not doing the things that needed to be done as a husband and it was stressing her out. She wondered why she married such a child.
Now , my wife is not perfect. Many times after I looked at my self and died to my self so to say, when I changed my ways. Guess what, she came to realize the things she was doing. She began to look at herself also. Marriage then becomes wonderful. Seriously wonderful.
Any how here are some statistics. If you divorce, you are 60% likely to divorce again. Then the next is higher and so on. Why? Because it's easier for you to run from your problems than to work on them.
Some advise. Get some counseling. Preferably christian. They will tell it to your straight. Marriage is hard work. But worth it....
Good luck God Bless you and I'll be praying for you to have wisdom and strength to get through this.
James
When things are bad in my marriage. Let's say I feel like my wife is naggin me and just being mean. I have to do this. I have to look at myself and ask. What am I doing or not doing to help my spouse. Or, what am I doing or not doing that is hindering my spouse. I literaly have to look at my self and say, what do I have to do with this, and what do I need to do to make the situation better. I have found that most things work themself out when I look to see if I'm being a punk and not loving my wife responsibly. Women need love. They need our attention they need our commitment to them. ** They need security** I was just in the hospital for double knee replacement, and I was not handleing the pain and recovery very well. I was crying and almost gave up because it hurts SO bad. One of my good friends came to me and reminded me that I needed to tuffen up and be strong. I needed to do so because it was the right thing to do for my wife, my family. He quoted me a bible verse which I can't remember the number, but it said this. I am to love my wife as christ loved the church, he was willing to give himself up for the church. To die for the church. So I should do the same.
We need to look at ourselfs and ask what can I do no matter what my spouse does to make this work. Don't wait for the other person to do something. You make the change. ** There have been MANY times in my life when I felt my relationship stunk, only to learn that I was the problem. Yes, me the problem. I was not doing the things that needed to be done as a husband and it was stressing her out. She wondered why she married such a child.
Now , my wife is not perfect. Many times after I looked at my self and died to my self so to say, when I changed my ways. Guess what, she came to realize the things she was doing. She began to look at herself also. Marriage then becomes wonderful. Seriously wonderful.
Any how here are some statistics. If you divorce, you are 60% likely to divorce again. Then the next is higher and so on. Why? Because it's easier for you to run from your problems than to work on them.
Some advise. Get some counseling. Preferably christian. They will tell it to your straight. Marriage is hard work. But worth it....
Good luck God Bless you and I'll be praying for you to have wisdom and strength to get through this.
James
Ahab, look up this site: http://www.helpourmarriage.com/ and read it. Contact them to see if there are any groups in your area. You will save your marriage, and you will learn more about yourself. You, your wife, and children, if any, will be happier for it. My wife and I are; we went through the program June 2008. This saved our marriage, and I hope any of you folks that are having tough times will think about looking into it. This is for all Christian denominations, not just Catholics. God bless.
Doscruiser & Cyndcoffee (Doscruiser's wife)
Doscruiser & Cyndcoffee (Doscruiser's wife)
