Well bacon fanciers and heavyweight bike fans, the second leg of the Tour De Pork was completed yesterday. The Thunderbolt Grease Slapper wasn't in first heading into it, but wasn't in last either. Actually depending on the math, all around nice guy and junior astronaut Tom Slick, was in third and fifth simultaneously and in this section of the race, a later start may be to the cyclist's advantage. The more bacon grease on the track the longer the skid.
And so after penalty points were assigned Baron Otto Mattic, lifelong cheater and just plain bad guy, was in fourth place, Tom Slick won the coin toss and was slotted into fifth (which was really fourth after vacating third moving the Baron up too!) down Potbelly Hill they went each in their turn and by the time they got to the fifth (fourth) spot the lanes at the bottom of the hill had become pretty greasy, bacon greasy. Rollie Ryder, holding the pole position beat his bacon fryers to the bottom and had to wait 15 seconds while they finished pouring out his bacon drizzle. After a quick 100 yd dash he laid down an impressive skid. A mechanical problem combined with allergies, temporarily sidelined our second place racer, Pat Sneezel. So Baron Otto Mattic began his descent. His wrenchman got the bacon fried up and somehow greased the track just in time (foul play I'm sure...) The hot grease and the decision to run bald tires with the hope of slipping by the other racers, put Baron Otto in a precarious position. The skid was good but the speed and handling were compromised leaving Baron Otto Mattic seconds behind Ryder's penalized time....
Merle.
Sent from the edge of an alternate universe...
